3.05 Client Q&A – getting it done when you don’t feel like it

If you struggle to get stuff done when you don’t feel like working, this episode is for you! I’m answering three questions from my listeners:

• Q1 How do I go from rough notes to writing sentences?
• Q2 How do I edit when I’m scared I’ll realise it’s rubbish? 
• Q3 How do I get stuff done when I feel unmotivated? 

I’ll tell you all the ways this is totally normal AND what you can do about it! 

BTW Do you ever have questions that you’d love to have answered by someone understanding and knowledgeable? Drop questions in the comments and I’ll answer them in a future episode! 

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I'm Dr Vikki Wright, ex-Professor and certified life coach and I help everyone from PhD students to full Professors to get a bit less overwhelmed and thrive in academia. My weekly podcast, The PhD Life Coach covers the most common issues experienced in universities, including procrastination, imposter syndrome, and having too much to do. I give inspiring and actionable advice and often have fun expert guests join me on the show. Make sure you subscribe on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

If you already listen, please find time to rate, review and tell your friends!

I also host a free online community for academics at every level. You can sign up on my website, The PhD Life Coach. com - you'll receive regular emails with helpful tips and access to free online group coaching every single month! Come join and get the support you need.

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Transcript

Hello and welcome to the PhD Life Coach podcast. This is a super exciting week because it is my first client Q& A session. I should have some new theme for that. Anyway, we're not going to have a new theme for that. Stay focused, Vikki. Here we go. People can send me questions. You can send me questions and I will answer them on the podcast.

Now I launched this last week and I already have three questions to answer so we are going to go right ahead and answer these questions and they are all clustered around a topic which is even better and it's a topic that comes up so much with my clients and members which is how do I get it done when I don't really feel like getting it done.

So we are going to go through three specific questions that listeners submitted to me which are all about getting it done when the motivation is low. If you have questions you want me to answer, I'm going to give you all the details at the end of how you can go about doing that. But essentially get them submitted. I will answer them on a podcast for you soon.

So the first question, question one comes from Gill, who is a PhD student in Canada. She is a part time distance learning PhD student. So shout out to all our part timers and our distance learners. And she asks, I struggle most with writing when there is too big a gap between where I am, sitting with my notes, and where I need to be, writing sentences. What do I do? 

Now, I absolutely love this question, because I think it already shows quite a lot of insight and understanding. Often when people come to me, they say, I'm just struggling to write. I just intend to write, and then I can't write. And if that's where you're at, there's a bunch of episodes on the podcast already about how to write when you're struggling to write, which is one of my early podcasts, and then a couple of episodes, three episodes. Three different episodes with guests, with JoVan Every, with Alison Miller, and with Katie Peplin, all about, writing and getting going on writing. And I'll link those in the show notes for you. 

However, this is more specific. What I love about it is Gill is showing real insight into the problem here. She says she struggles most when there's too big a gap between where she is and where she needs to be. If you can get specific the way Gill is getting specific with her challenges here, you are already five steps along the way to solving this, even without me helping along the way.

So she's showing real insight. She also went on to say, and this is where she's already starting to be curious. She's already starting to figure out approaches for herself. So she says, what I'm slowly learning is that there are several iterations of working my notes to get them from high level sorting by theme down to I want this paragraph to argue point A backed up with evidence points B, C, and D. 

And essentially here, Gill is answering her own question, which is amazing, which is that often, if we can notice what the real problem is, ie that there's a really big gap between sitting with your notes and having coherent sentences, then we can already start to speculate about what the solution might be and what's happening here is Gill is already recognizing that she needs to see that there are several steps. Often we think that if we've got our notes here, we should be able to write paragraphs there. And we get really frustrated when that's not possible and when we struggle with that. We make it mean something about us, rather than making it mean something about our technique.

And the technique that we're missing here is this understanding that there's several iterations in between those two points. However, Gill is still talking about struggling with this, so she's gone a really long way to identifying the problem, but let's think about some additional suggestions. So the first thing is, if we're trying to identify these interim goals, we need to be really clear on what they are. So often you hear people say, just write something bad first. And the difficulty is, partly, we're all kind of high achieving people, we don't really like writing things that are purposefully bad. But also, what does that even mean? And how do you then turn something that's bad into something that's good? I think it works better, instead of thinking about it as a bad first draft, try to describe what it really is. So, for example, if you're starting from your notes, you might want to next go to having the one bullet point that sums up what that paragraph needs to say, the one point you want to make.

Now, lots of you will say, yeah, but I don't know, I've got all these notes and I don't know what point I want to make. Perfect. We've now identified a new problem. So what we now need to do is figure out what point we want to make. And so what we can then do is set ourselves a different interim goal. So a next step for you might be to write down what you are thinking. So this isn't even a draft to be a bad draft. This is a draft to get it out of your head. This is a draft where we're just saying, I kind of want to say this, but then I don't really think that makes sense. So maybe I should say this instead, but then I don't know whether that links back to blah de blah.

So you're literally doing sort of stream of consciousness of your thoughts about these notes. Because if we can get it out of our head and onto a piece of paper, it then is so much easier to do this next iteration, which is to start to pick that apart and kind of go, Oh, well, could be a key point, I suppose. And that could be, and maybe my next step would then be to decide which of those points I want to make, for example. But by really turning it into very tangible steps that aren't just, write the next sentence, write the next sentence, but instead identifying actually different steps that will move you from having your notes to having sentences. 

You may have seen on my Instagram, if you're not following me, by the way, make sure you are. I have more people on my newsletter than I do on my Instagram, which is a bit strange. So make sure you're following me at the PhD Life Coach. I'm going to be posting much more regularly for reasons I'll tell you about at the end. Anyway, I said on my Instagram recently, a little quote that I came up with when I was coaching some people in my membership last week, which was, if you're struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel, shorten the tunnel. If you're struggling to think, right, I'm only going to celebrate when this paper's finished, for example, and that feels like a really, really long way away, we need to shorten that tunnel, give ourselves much smaller tasks to do and then celebrate the light on those tunnels. So in this case for Gill, when she's starting with sitting from her notes, that first light, that first short tunnel might be to get from sitting with my notes to writing two pages of whatever comes out of my head, including what I don't know, so that I've got something to work with. And then we celebrate, we enjoy that. 

And then when we're ready to enter another tunnel, another task, we look at that and pull out, what are three points that I could make, for example. Okay, so we're sort of creating something where it feels like you're going through distinct steps. And many of these steps are just for you. These are not for anybody else to ever read. These are to get your head straight. 

Now, one of the reasons that so many of you will find this challenging is because people very rarely talk about these steps. And the reason I think for that is partly people who are highly skilled don't understand exactly what they've done to get to be highly skilled. They kind of take it for granted. So have you ever been like taught to drive or anything by somebody who's really good at it? So my stepdaughters, one's just learned, one's about to learn. And my husband grew up on a farm. He's been driving tractors since he was nine. He knows exactly how to reverse a vehicle, reverse a vehicle with a trailer, all sorts of things like that. But he can't explain it to someone who doesn't know. Cause he's just like, well, you just back it up over there. Yeah. into the space. And he can't give step by step notes. And you will find that your supervisors are very similar. They often won't be able to describe the steps they go through in order to write a paper. In fact, especially if they often write on the same topics, they may not even go through all these steps because they can go from vague ideas in their head to a plan, to a draft. They don't need all those steps in between. 

And then the people that are taking all these steps, the people that are doing postdocs, the people that are at the beginnings of their academic career, or people who are more senior but have always found their writing more stressful, they don't really have the platform to talk about how they do this. And often they do it in a way that's driven by panic and self hatred anyway. They haven't necessarily discovered sort of a fun, iterative process that you can go from notes to an okay draft. 

So that's why if you're finding this hard, don't worry. No one really teaches this stuff, or very few people teach this stuff. Very few people know it themselves, and even fewer are telling you about it. So don't make it mean anything that you don't know this. 

The final thing to say is to keep an eye on some of those thoughts. So often when we're describing this stuff, we're talking about things we have problems.

We, like Gill, we talk about it as being a struggle. I struggle with writing when there's a big gap. Well, of course you do. That's not a struggle. That's just the process. This is the route that people take to getting writing done, and the fact that you're wrestling with it means you are engaging in an academic pursuit. The fact that you're thinking, oh, shall I say it like this or shall I say it like that? means you're doing the thing. This is not a sign you're doing it wrong. This is the sign that you are an academic. So don't problematize the fact that it takes you a bunch of drafts to write something that sounds half decent. That is literally how it's done. 

So, for all the rest of you, copy Gill, get really specific about which bit you're struggling with, And then, as I've demonstrated hopefully today, it's quite straightforward to identify steps that you can take to close that gap between where you feel like it's all difficult to actually doing the thing. Let me know whether that resonated with you. So when you send me questions, let me know how you feel about that one as well, how that could get you writing something you're finding difficult at the moment. 

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Now my second question came in the same message from Gill. And this is, my other sticking point is when I feel that the task in front of me will somehow judge work I've already done. And she said yes, I know how that sounds.

Don't worry Gill, I totally totally empathise. So today I'm feeling resistance about reviewing my chapter structure because I'm afraid I'll discover I need to rewrite pages of it. Again, so, so common. I'm sure lots of you listening will resonate with that. Especially at the beginnings of our academic career, we really attach our work to ourselves and to our worth. And therefore, if the task we need to do is to pick holes in something that we kind of self identify with, that we think is part of us, that's not a fun job to do.

You know, anything where you're critiquing your own performance, isn't fun, if you make that mean lots of negative things about you. So, if by looking at a piece of work that you've done in the past and you're trying to pull it apart to improve it, the narrative that's going on in your head is, Oh God, you should have done this before. Oh God, this is rubbish. I can't believe you rate this so badly. We're going to have to do so much work now. This is terrible. Then of course it's going to feel awful. 

But I want you to imagine an expert. I want you to imagine somebody who's a high performance in something you care about, so like an athlete or a musician or something, and they're watching their race or they're listening to their performance and they're almost gleefully looking out for things that they're doing wrong because they know if they can identify things they're doing wrong, they can make it better and making it better is what they want to do. I want you to imagine those people in whatever context works for you. That's the vibe we want to bring to analyzing our work. 

Not looking for mistakes in a kind of, I don't want to find any, because that means I've got to do some work. And that means I've been rubbish and I've wasted time and da da da. But I want to find things I can improve here because I'm going for peak performance. I want this to be as good and as clear and as articulate as I can make it. And it's fun to look for places that I can shave off a bit here and add a bit of nuance there. 

So that's the first thing is really thinking about how we can change the way we're thinking about this as a task. The second thing kind of takes that on a deeper step. Why is it a problem if you find things wrong with it. And this will differ for different ones of you. Sometimes it's because it feels like a lot of effort. That if I identify that it needs restructuring, it feels like I'm going to have to do a whole load more work and that feels like a lot of effort.

Other times it's because we allowed ourselves to believe it was done and now it's going to be a bit disappointing if it's not. Or we're worried that however much we pick it apart, it's never going to be good enough. I want you to identify, really specifically for you, why it's a problem that you might find something wrong with it. 

And this will differ a bit for all of you. And then what we do is instead of avoiding looking for those faults, instead of avoiding finding the problems, we look after ourselves through that problem. So if you know that it feels like a lot of effort, that's why it's a problem because it feels like so much work to do and that's a lot of time and effort, then you reassure yourself on that stuff. You reassure yourself that we don't have to do it all today, that we're going to support ourselves to get it done, that it could be fun to do a bit more. I remember I took part in a, like, I won a mentor award thingy for fiction writing, last, two years ago, and, um, maybe even three, three years ago. Three years ago. Blimey, time's running past. Anyway, and part of my sort of process through that, reviewing the novel that I'd written, made me realize... I may have told this story before... but made me realize that I needed to write it in first person instead of third person, which meant completely rewriting the whole thing.

And I had a feeling that it sounds as though you guys have sometimes, where it's like, Oh, man, that's a whole lot of work. But I also knew it was the right thing. And so instead of avoiding it, what I did was I looked after myself while I did that. It made it easy for me to make the changes I needed to. I made it fun. I reminded myself how much better I was making it. And I actually plowed through it pretty quickly. So if you're feeling that judgment, totally, totally get it. Think about why it's a problem and think about how you can support yourself through that. What do you need to say to yourself so that it doesn't feel quite so bad to need to rewrite the things you've done?

Finally, just as an aside, let's just start from the place that you're going to have to rewrite this more times than you think. Because part of the problem here is when we kind of set ourselves up our expectations that a first draft, once we've done a first draft, all we'll have to do is tweak it and it'll be fine. Let's just not start from that place. Let's just start from the place that I'm going to rewrite this ten times and that's fine. Because actually, if we just get on with that, like I did with my novel, if we just get on with that, you can actually get it done way faster than if we're procrastinating even looking because we're scared of what we'll find. Let's just look. Get on with it. Look after ourselves as we go. Let me know what you think about that question, whether that's brought up other questions for you. 

And then the third question came through on my podcast. So you may have noticed in your podcast app, I'm going to find it on my phone so that I can show people who are on YouTube. Cause if you don't know, these podcasts come out on YouTube as well. Anyway, if you go, wherever you get your podcasts. So here, I'm just showing you, um, on the screen, it says PhD Life Coach, it's got last week's episode up, and then it says, send Vikki any questions you'd like answered on the show. And if you click on that, then it takes you through to a form that you can fill in and it sends me questions. 

Now, the only downside, and I have to apologize to the person who sent this, if you don't put your name in it, I don't get any contact details. So this is an anonymous PhD student who the app tells me is based in the UK, but beyond that, I don't know who you are. So, apologies for not being able to shout you out by name. In future people, if you want to get shouted out by name, you want to know it was you, then please do leave your name in the message as well. 

Anyway, this person has said, I keep saying that I'll do the work when I feel motivated, so I keep trying to find ways to motivate myself. So, could you answer something like, how to get stuff done when you feel unmotivated?

Now, this is a huge one, this one I actually have an episode planned for in 6 8 weeks, something like that um, but I'm going to give you some quick tips now. And the first one might sound counterintuitive. The first one is, why are you expecting Did you guys hear Marley shake then? That noise was my Labrador shaking because it is nearly an hour till tea time and therefore he's clearly starving to death. He'll be fine. Chill your beans. So, the first step might sound counterintuitive and that is asking yourself why you expect to feel motivated. Now, I remember talking about this recently, and I can't remember whether it was on a podcast, whether it was in a membership call, so do apologize if I'm repeating myself, but I think it's useful for everybody to remember this, is that motivation doesn't have to be feeling super excited and like really wanting to do it.

Often, I think people expect to wait until they feel motivated because on the times that they have done that, everything's felt so much easier. But I promise what feels enormously easier is to learn to do things when you don't feel motivated.

Even just remembering that you don't need to feel motivated in order to do the thing can help in and of itself. Because when your brain says, I don't want to, you can go, okay, that's alright, I know you don't want to. That's alright, we haven't got to argue with that. We are going to do it. You don't need to want to. Okay, so even just remembering that there is no need to feel motivated can really help with getting on with stuff.

Another little trick, like mental trick that I use when I need to do something that I don't feel like doing is I remind myself what the genuine alternatives are here, because often the only two alternatives we give ourselves are I do this thing, which I don't want to do, or I don't do this thing that I don't want to do and I do something else instead. That's more fun. I eat, I scroll on social media. I go talk to my friends, whatever it is. Okay, so we let ourselves be in this world where those are the two options. Do the thing I don't want to do, or don't do the thing and do something fun instead. And in that case, with those two choices, obviously, we're going to pick don't do it. Unless you're one of these very disciplined people, in which case you're probably not listening to this podcast. 

We allow ourselves to believe that those are the two options, when in fact that's not true. Our two options are do the thing we don't want to do, or sit here having a massive negotiation with ourselves about whether we're going to do it now, or later, and why we don't really want to do it now, but we probably should do it now, and have a massive old blimmin debate about it with ourselves. That's an option. Or we have the option, which is that we decide not to do it now, but we still need to do it later. And that option often comes with a whole bunch of self recrimination. Now, obviously, we can manage our own minds. We've been learning about this stuff for a long time now. And so there could be an option over here, which is, I decide to do it later, I'm completely fine with that decision, and when it comes to doing it, I then do it. We quite like that option too, if you can pull that option off. But what we want to do is be at one extreme or the other. We either want to be, we do it now, even though we don't want to do it, or we don't do it now, we don't beat ourselves up about it, we decide when we are going to do it, and when that time comes, we get on and bloody do it. Okay. Except most of us don't go for either of those. We go for the bit in between where we negotiate with ourselves. We argue with ourselves. We don't do the thing we don't want to do, but equally we don't do the thing we do want to do because we kind of half arsely sit around our desk as though that counts.

Or, we decide we're not doing it, but we beat ourselves up about the fact we're not doing it, we dread the day we have to do it, and we turn it into this bigger deal, so that when we are meant to be doing it next time, it's even harder to motivate ourselves to do it now, because not only is it a task we don't want to do, it's now got a whole bunch of shame and guilt thrown in for shits and giggles.

Excuse my language, feeling feisty today. We'll go with it, this is an adult podcast. Okay. That's the bit we want to avoid. And so sometimes when I'm thinking, I really don't want to do this thing, I remind myself that I don't want to have not done this thing either. I really don't want to do this thing, but I don't want to have not done it either.

I don't want the consequences. I don't want the stupid arguments in my head. I don't want the need to coach myself through the fact that I didn't do what I said I was going to do. You know what? It's less painful just to do the thing and I'm going to do the thing. When we remember that self negotiation is the most painful part of this process, it is often easier to just do the thing.

My final tip is remember there is a difference between the energy it takes to do a task and the energy it takes to start doing a task. Often what we're lacking is initiation energy. Actually, once we start doing something, it often gets quite a lot easier. That's something else I want you to remember and I want you to remind yourself of. It's the initiation energy that's painful most of the time, that bit of energy that requires you to start writing, to think about what you're going to do and so on. But once you get going, it's usually easier. If you can remember that, it's a lot easier to then get started because you're reminding yourself it's actually only a short burst of willpower that's needed here. Only a short burst of kind of self talk and geeing yourself up to do it. Because once you get going, it's almost always easier to do it. Okay. Remind yourself it's only initiation energy.

In the longer term, we can think about ways to build your motivation, ways to make tasks more intrinsically motivating. And as I say, I am going to cover that stuff, but I want you to start, whoever sent this to me specifically, at the moment, I want you to start Forget trying to make yourself motivated. Try to work on doing things when you're not motivated. All the rest can come later. 

I really hope that you guys found that useful. I loved answering these questions, so please do send more. You can do it if you're on my newsletter. You can send them in, just by replying to the email and I will always give priority to my newsletter crew so make sure you're signed up for that, but also if you're just a podcast listener, that's cool. I get it. You've got to get to know me first. Make sure you press the send Vikki a question button. Let me know your question. Let me know your name, maybe where you are in the world. What stage of your PhD you're at. That would be amazing. And I will answer all your questions in the future too. Anyway, let me know how you get on with getting things done when you don't really feel like it. Thank you all for listening and I will see you next week.

Thank you for listening to the PhD life coach podcast. If you liked this episode, please tell your friends, your colleagues, and your universities. I'd appreciate it if you took the time to like, leave a review, give me stars, stickers, and all that general approval as well. If you'd like to find out more about working with me, either for yourself or for people at your university, please check out my website at thephdlifecoach.

com. You can also sign up to hear more about my free group coaching sessions for PhD students and academics. See you next time.