4.11 Why my phone addiction confession might help you too

This week I’m confessing my dirty secrets. Have a listen and compare your screen time to mine! I talk through why I’m unhappy with my current phone usage, why I’m not beating myself and what I’m doing instead. If you’ve ever felt like you can only change by “being more disciplined” or “criticising yourself into wanting it enough” then this is an important episode for you. I might not have a success to report back yet in terms of reducing my phone usage, but I’m feeling very proud of how I’m going about this challenge!

If you liked this episode, you should check out “how accepting where you are is the first step to getting where you want to be”. 

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I'm Dr Vikki Wright, ex-Professor and certified life coach and I help everyone from PhD students to full Professors to get a bit less overwhelmed and thrive in academia. Please make sure you subscribe, and I would love it if you could find time to rate, review and tell your friends! You can send them this universal link that will work whatever the podcast app they use. http://pod.link/1650551306?i=1000695434464

I also host a free online community for academics at every level. You can sign up on my website, The PhD Life Coach. com - you'll receive regular emails with helpful tips and access to free online group coaching every single month! Come join and get the support you need.

Transcript

[00:00:00] I hadn't decided that I was gonna talk about this, but I've decided I'm gonna, I feel like it's something that lots you gonna empathize with and I. I'm gonna tell you some secrets that I'm hoping my mother won't listen to and what I'm gonna do about it. So let's go. Welcome to the PhD Life Coach podcast, and I am talking mobile phone usage.

I'm recording this on the 3rd of November. It'll be coming to you in what, a week's time? Something like that. So it's a weird time for New Year's resolutions, right? But. I've just, I've reached a point where I have so many things that I want to do and where I really want something to change with my phone use, and I'm gonna share with you today [00:01:00] why that is. I'm gonna share numbers, which makes me want to cry, but I'm going to tell you anyway. I'm gonna share numbers. I'm gonna share my screen time numbers and all that sort of jazz. I'm gonna tell you why I think it's. A problem why I am bringing a lot of compassion to myself. So I'm gonna try and demonstrate how I'm practicing what I preach with all of this stuff.

And I'm also gonna tell you what I am doing about it. And whilst I don't believe in sort of external accountability, I do hope that by sharing this with you and potentially updating you on my journey as I go through it, it might be interesting for all of us, so let's crack it out. Let's crack my gorgeous little phone here out which wastes far too much of my time and let's go to screen time. We are going to screen time, see all app. So we'll go week. Why not last week's average, I don't even [00:02:00] wanna say it out loud. Last week's daily average was six hours and 54 minutes. Before that it was 5 44, 6 11. So it's that kind of ballpark of which last week, apparently I spent 12 hours on Instagram.

I'm just. Outraged. In fact, when you throw in Facebook as well, it becomes 15 and a half hours. I'm not gonna count WhatsApp, WhatsApp's talking to my friends. Talking to my friends is important. This makes me wanna vomit, genuinely makes me wanna vomit. I am somebody who feels like she has a hundred thousand things she wants to do. There's things I want to do for my business. There's things I want to do for my health. There's hobbies, there's interests, there's friends. And I don't tell myself I'm too busy as much as I used to, but I do tell myself I'm too busy [00:03:00] and I'm doing that, and I'm gonna bring a whole load of self-compassion 'cause I'm feeling the judgment in myself. Even as I talk to you about this today. I'm not unusual, right? I am pretty confident if you guys open up your screen time now, there'll be a whole bunch of you. There'll be a whole bunch of you, probably parents who are going, what, how on earth. And there'll be others of you going, mate, you should see mine.

Okay? So I'm well aware there's a whole range of this. I'm also well aware that this isn't by chance, right? These things have been designed specifically to engage us, to draw us in, to keep our eyes on their information so that they get our information and so they can sell us stuff. So I am not holding this up as a me being weak or me being stupid or lazy or any of those things.

I genuinely don't make it mean those things about myself. And I [00:04:00] have been quite careful in curating what I look at. So some of you, yeah, I'm sure you've all heard the phrase doom scrolling, and I'm sure a lot of you do engage in it. I do a little tiny bit. So I follow this. Have you seen the, there's, there's a brother and sister on Instagram who are very liberal and their parents are very right wing and they interview them essentially so I do scroll things like that sometimes. I'm not gonna give you links. You can find them if you are going to spend more time online. So I do doom scroll, things like that from time to time. I do look at the news from time to time, but it's mostly not that right. I've quite carefully curated, particularly my Instagram feed, so that it is essentially hobbies that I like and dogs, lots of dogs.

The problem is that I'm spending far more hours looking at pictures of dogs than playing with my dog or looking at people doing circus tricks than [00:05:00] practicing my circus tricks or looking at people doing calisthenics than doing my calisthenics or looking at people doing art than doing my art, et cetera.

Can you tell, I have a lot of hobbies. You hopefully know that about me already. And so whilst i'm not blaming myself and whilst I'm not kind of beating myself up in a sort of, you're so weak and stupid sort of a way, I do also wanna take control over this because this is not what I want my future self to be like. I wanna be able to do some fun stuff. You know, when I'm, if I'm laying on the sofa, showing my husband cute dog videos, I wanna do that. Sometimes It's cute. We laugh together, we enjoy it. It's fun. But if I'm designing my dream day, my dream day doesn't start with an hour scrolling, and my dream day isn't punctuated by scrolling all the way through the day, and it doesn't end with an hour scrolling. [00:06:00] So that's one big reason. This is not what I want my future to look like.

Another reason is I've become increasingly aware of when I grab my phone and I grab my phone when I haven't made a decision about something else. So when it's not clear what else I want to be doing and I grab my phone when something gets difficult. So I do genuinely, you know, I'm being really open with you here, right? Because I think you guys value that. But I think it's useful to know that somebody who gives you lots of advice doesn't have it all figured out. I notice that if I'm saying, oh, should I do this or should I do that? Should I write it like this? Or write it like that? I grab my phone and the only explanation is I'm grabbing my phone to avoid the mild, and it's only mild discomfort [00:07:00] of not knowing what I'm gonna say or not having decided what I'm gonna say or not having decided how I'm gonna do something.

And the other thing that scares me is how often I go on my phone to do one thing and then 15 minutes later, get back to what I was doing and realize I never did the thing I intended to do on my, you know, I'm going on my phone to check the weather for tomorrow or something, and I come back 15 minutes later and I've, you know, I've answered something on LinkedIn. I've liked somebody's, whatever, and I've, you know, just double checked my emails for no reason whatsoever. It is just so unintentional, and when I spend so much time talking to you guys about time blocking and being intentional, and I do that stuff right and I'm much, much better at time blocking than I used to be. But those interstitial spaces, those [00:08:00] gaps between the blocks and sometimes in the blocks, I'm not gonna lie, but mostly between those blocks are pretty full of phone time, and I think it becomes a crutch. I think it becomes something to look at, to avoid thinking about anything else. You know, I pull it out in queues. I pull out on the train. I pull out when I just finished driving before I go into the house. I'm told that might be an A DHD thing, right? That trouble with like transitioning from one area to another. And so again, I see that with kind of curiosity rather than judgment, but it does slightly freak me out how, if you ask me how many times I've picked up my phone in the last hour, I wouldn't be able to tell you. I have no idea. Half the time I don't even notice I've done it.

I've [00:09:00] decided I want it to change, and I'm a big believer that one of the best ways to make things change is to make it easier for yourself. I used to think that the key was to be better. I just needed to be more disciplined next time. I just needed to be stronger next time. And in reality, I don't think that's true. In reality I think we need to make these things easier, especially when we're up against something that is technically designed to draw you in. And that is, you know, filled with a perfectly curated a load of stuff you're interested in. Of course, we need to make this easier and so I wanted to share with you what I'm gonna try and I'll give you an update and we will see how we go in the future.

But the things I'm gonna try, I already got myself a little. I already got myself a Fitbit. Joby. Garmin, that's the word. Which means that if my phone isn't with me, then I [00:10:00] hear it go off 'cause it buzzes on my wrist. And that's helped a little bit, but my phone is still almost always with me.

And so I decided that I needed to try something a bit more extreme than that. And I am trying, and I'm telling you right now, ain't doing a review 'cause it hasn't even arrived yet. But I will share, I'm trying one of these Brick joby, the little, little devices where you can tap it and it bricks your phone.

You can decide which apps it blocks, and then in order to, um, un brick it, you have to tap it back on the thing. And for me, that is a, it's not a barrier, right? I could just walk back to the brick and unbrick it whenever I wanted. For me, it gives a definitive decision that I'm not using my phone for a period of time, and it is also forcing me to think, encouraging me to think, I should say, encouraging me to [00:11:00] think about when do I actually wanna check my phone because this is one thing in my life where I get a bit all or nothing, and I go, well, I, why would I want to spend any time scrolling? This is ridiculous. It would be stupid to block an hour of my day to scroll, Instagram. Why on earth would I do that? Completely separate from the fact that I usually do that before 7:00 AM. Um, so. What I'm hoping, and the way I'm planning to use it, is to make it so that I'm much more intentional about whether I'm intending to use my phone during that time period or not.

I'm not gonna set any automated things. You can set it so it comes on at particular times a day and all that sort of stuff. I'm not going to do that at first. I'm gonna experiment with it a bit, but my intention at the moment is to use it to physically tap, I'm gonna allow WhatsApp still come through 'cause [00:12:00] connecting with my friends is very important to me. That's not the bit that I'm worried about. Spending too much time doing chattering on WhatsApp, that feels worth it to me. I'm gonna block the things that lead to unintentional scrolling. I'm gonna block Facebook. I'm gonna block Instagram. Thank goodness I never started TikTok. Thank goodness Elon ruined Twitter for me. That used to take hours of my life too. But that's gone. I am gonna block Rightmove as well. I'm not moving house guys.

I moved house like three years ago. I have a very bad Rightmove habit of just looking at houses that I'm never gonna afford and I don't like covet them. I just make plans as to, oh, I'd put this in there and I'd put this in there and Oh, that wouldn't work 'cause I couldn't possibly not have two studies or whatever.

So I'm gonna block Rightmove as well. And I'm gonna try and be really intentional and I'm gonna try and kind of experiment with it. 'cause I can already feel my brain overthinking of well, exactly when will you block it and what exactly when will you not and [00:13:00] dah, dah, dah. I'm gonna try and be experimental with it.

And the other thing I'm gonna be really clear about, and this is the bit that I'm naturally very good at, is what do I want to do with that time? Because I think it's one thing to tell yourself to stop doing something, but you also have to decide what you are going to do with that time, and I am really excited to actually go a lot more analog.

So often what I do is I'm looking on Instagram for inspiration to do some fun art or crafts or something. Well, I've got a ton of art books. I've got a brain, I've got a ton of art materials. I don't need a phone to do that. I watch people doing circus tutorials. Well, I've got a load of circus toys. I know some stuff. I've got some books. I've got friends who do this. I can. You know, I can figure out that stuff.

Calisthenics, I don't need, I don't need some guy off the internet telling me how to do pushups. I have been physically active my entire life. I have a [00:14:00] PhD in sport and exercise sciences, which was, it wasn't specific to that. I used to teach anatomy for God's sake. I know how to do this stuff. I know how to broadly, not at specialist level, whatever. I know how to broadly structure exercise programs. I know what I need to be doing. I need to actually be doing it. I tag loads of healthy videos and then I spend so much time scrolling, I eat toast. It's craziness. I have a load of recipe books, I can use them, and so my goal is to swap my screen time for actually specifically using stuff I have already, and this is where, other than buying the Brick, it kind of fits into this sort of less spending thing as well, right? This kind of being more sustainable.

So my intention with it is to use this as a way to be [00:15:00] more present, as a way to use the stuff I've got and to actually do the things rather than watch people do the things.

The other reason, and this actually directly relates to you lot, and I'm not gonna tell you the details, but on Friday I decided that I wanted a strategy day. I wanted to really think about my business and what I was gonna do next and how I would serve you guys next and what that would look like and everything.

And I decided that I needed to get away from it all. And one of the joys about being your own boss is that you can decide to do whatever you want. And so I booked myself into a very lovely spa for the day. And I took a notebook and a pen and I designed and then printed out some reflective questions.

And so in this spa, they don't let you take care, or at least they discourage you strongly from taking your phone into the spa itself. So I locked my phone in the locker for the whole [00:16:00] day and I took my notebook and a pen, and I scribbled so many notes. I nearly finished my entire notebook, of ideas, of things that I think would help you guys.

Things I want to do over the next year or two, ways I want to support the community, a whole load of freeways. That I want to support the community. I'm going to say. So many ideas about so many things, and because I have a coach too, I discuss them with my coach tonight and we've narrowed them down and I have a plan and you guys are gonna get to hear about them soon.

But let's just say getting a little bit more analog and getting a little bit more connected and being more intentional and stuff like that might be coming your way in the PhD Life Coach world. So keep a little eye out. You'll hear more in the new year. But it just really reinforced to me that my brain's got some quite good stuff in it if I [00:17:00] stop spending hours watching a lady's shrimp mantis called Ludo, he's so cute. I'm gonna miss Ludo. I am gonna still have to check in on how Ludo's doing. But anyway. If I spent less time filling my eyeballs with things like that, or why apparently skinny jeans are now coming back in again, I'm too confused, looking at those things.

If I spend less time doing those things, my brain actually comes up with a lot of good ideas and insight and clarity and energy. So yeah, this is my plan and I'm trying it now because as my coach always recommends Karin Nordin who I've recommended before, um, now is the perfect time to practice New Year's resolutions.

So I haven't decided. I might have a screen time goal next year. I don't know. I haven't decided yet, but now I'm gonna practice and I'm gonna see what's useful and I'm gonna see, [00:18:00] okay, if I'm not gonna wake up and scroll for too long. What am I gonna do instead? What works well? Do I wanna get up and work? Do I wanna get up and exercise? Do I wanna get up and chill out? What do I wanna do? I'm not sure, but I'm gonna experiment and I'm gonna see what happens when I'm not just filling my brain with whatever the machine sends my way.

Lemme know whether this resonated with you or not. I wasn't really intending to talk about it, like I say, but it was been top of my mind, and so I thought I would share it with you guys instead.

If you have already been on this sort of journey, message me. I am often, I say, you know, I'm not looking for tips and whatever, but particularly if you've ever used Brick and you've got suggestions as to how to set it. The only sort of advice I'm not interested in is don't use Brick. It's a waste of money. Or don't do that. Do this instead. I've bought it now, I've bought it and I'm going to experiment with it.

So I don't want to hear that [00:19:00] advice. But if any of you've got tips about setting it up, tips about how you've used it, other ways that you've reduced your phone use, uh, let me know because I intend to really give this a massive shot and keep you guys in the loop about what I've been spending my brain and energy and intention doing when I haven't been doing that.

So let's see I hope as well as hearing a podcast about phone use, I hope you are also hearing the tone that I'm speaking not just to myself, but about this. I'm not trying to fix myself. I'm not criticizing myself for being where I'm at, and this is unusual, right? I used to, but I'm really not. I'm curious. About how I'm gonna do it, curious about how it's gonna work out.

I'm feeling creative [00:20:00] about what I'm gonna try and what I'm gonna do instead. I'm feeling enthusiastic, and enthusiastic is a really big value for me. I'm feeling really enthusiastic about trying this, and I'm open to kind of collaboration and interest and all those sorts of things from other people too, so that I can explore options and I'm pretty confident that at some point I'm gonna, you know, scramble downstairs in the middle of the night 'cause I'm desperate for my fix and un brick my phone or whatever. I'm sure it'll go wrong at some point, but that's okay. I'm not gonna make that mean anything about myself either.

And so hopefully hearing me work this through with you like this, as you can tell. I mean, this is even less scripted than usual. Um, hopefully hearing me work it through like this might help you think about how you could address some of the things you're trying to change in your lives. We don't have to be more disciplined. We don't have to criticize ourselves until we have to do it. [00:21:00] I just think, I think being kind to ourselves, thinking how we can make it easier and seeing what happens. Being optimistic about the possibilities is such a more fun way to do this. I'm gonna keep you posted. Let me know if you have been inspired or if you have any advice for me. Thank you all so much for listening, and I'll see you next week.